The death of a child, at any age, is one of the most devastating experiences a parent, carer or family member can face.
Every family experiences this loss differently, and there is no right or wrong way to grieve. The death of a child can affect every part of life, including physical and emotional wellbeing, relationships, family life and a person's sense of identity and purpose.
Many parents describe feeling as though the natural order of life has been turned upside down. The loss can feel overwhelming and may affect family members in different ways and at different times.
Grief following the death of a child is often particularly intense and may include many different emotions, sometimes all at once.
Many parents struggle to accept what has happened, particularly after a sudden or unexpected death.
You may experience periods of numbness or feel disconnected from reality as your mind begins to process the loss.
Many bereaved parents experience feelings of guilt, even when they were not responsible for what happened.
You may find yourself repeatedly questioning decisions or wondering if there was something more you could have done. These thoughts are common, but they can be distressing and difficult to manage.
For many people, being a parent is a central part of who they are.
When a child dies, some parents describe feeling lost, confused or unsure of who they are without that role. They may struggle to find meaning or purpose in everyday life.
Many parents grieve not only for the child they have lost, but also for the future they imagined for them.
Thoughts about milestones, achievements and future memories can bring additional feelings of sadness and loss.
Grief affects everyone differently.
Partners may grieve in different ways and at different speeds, which can sometimes lead to misunderstandings or tension. Brothers, sisters and extended family members will also be coping with their own grief.
Grief is a natural response to loss, but sometimes additional support is needed.
Consider seeking support if you:
Feel unable to cope day to day
Struggle to care for yourself or your family
Feel isolated or overwhelmed
Continue to feel stuck in grief for a prolonged period
Are using alcohol or substances to cope
Have thoughts of self-harm or suicide
Speaking to your GP, a bereavement charity or a counsellor can help you access the support you need.
After the death of a child, many parents are extremely hard on themselves.
It's important to remember that hindsight can make us judge ourselves unfairly. Try to treat yourself with the same compassion you would offer a close friend in similar circumstances.
Grief can feel overwhelming when looking too far ahead.
Focus on getting through each day rather than worrying about what the future might look like. Small routines and manageable goals can help provide some structure during difficult times.
Family and friends often want to help but may not know how.
Allowing people to assist with practical tasks such as childcare, shopping, cooking or household jobs can reduce some of the pressures you're facing. You do not have to manage everything alone.
Grief can have a significant effect on sleep.
Some people find they sleep more than usual, while others struggle to sleep at all. Try to create a calm environment for rest and seek support if poor sleep is affecting your wellbeing over a long period.
Many bereaved parents say that talking about their child helps them feel connected to their memory.
This could be with:
Family members
Friends
Support groups
Bereavement charities
Counsellors or therapists
You may find it particularly helpful to speak with other parents who have experienced a similar loss.
Many families find comfort in finding ways to remember their child.
There is no right or wrong way to do this.
Some ideas include:
Creating a memory box
Making a scrapbook
Planting a tree
Lighting a candle on important dates
Visiting a special place
Celebrating birthdays or anniversaries in a meaningful way
Holding a memorial event with family and friends
Remembering your child can help maintain a continued sense of connection whilst finding ways to move forward.
Many parents feel isolated after the loss of a child.
A simple message, phone call or visit can help remind someone that they are not alone. Continue checking in after the initial weeks and months, as grief often continues long after formal support has ended.
You don't need the perfect words.
Often the most valuable thing you can do is listen with compassion and allow the person to share their thoughts, feelings and memories without judgement or interruption.
Grief can make everyday tasks feel overwhelming.
You may be able to help with:
School runs
Childcare
Shopping
Preparing meals
Household chores
Attending appointments
Specific offers of support are often more helpful than general offers.
Many parents appreciate hearing their child's name or sharing memories and stories about them.
Although it may feel difficult, talking about the child can help reassure parents that their child has not been forgotten.
Children grieve differently from adults and may express emotions through behaviour rather than words.
Helpful ways to support grieving children include:
Being honest about what has happened
Using age-appropriate language
Answering questions openly
Maintaining routines where possible
Giving them opportunities to talk about their feelings
Reassuring them that they are loved and supported
Children may revisit their grief as they grow and develop a deeper understanding of death. This is a normal part of the grieving process.
Bereavement can feel overwhelming, but support is available and you don't have to face it alone.