This section of the website has been created to support partners, children, parents, close friends and family members of those who serve in the UK police service. It offers practical information, reassurance and guidance to help you understand policing life and where to turn for support when you need it. Huge thanks to The Ambulance Staff Charity for sharing some of their resources with us.
Important information
The content on this website is for information and education only. It is not intended to replace medical advice. If you’re concerned about your own mental health, or someone else’s, please contact your GP or NHS 111 for advice and support.
If you are close to breaking point, feeling suicidal and need help?
Our independent and confidential Mental Health Crisis Line provides immediate support for anyone working in policing. Call 0300 131 2789
The Samaritans are for there for anyone who needs support 24/7 call 116 123 for free
Police family support
Life in policing doesn’t just affect the people who wear the uniform. It also impacts the families, friends and loved ones around them.
This section of the website has been created to support partners, children, parents, close friends and family members of those who serve in the UK police service. It offers practical information, reassurance and guidance to help you understand policing life and where to turn for support when you need it.
About the National Police Wellbeing Service
Oscar Kilo, the National Police Wellbeing Service (NPWS), supports police forces across England and Wales to build healthier working environments and meet their legal and moral duty of care. Sitting with the College of Policing, and working closely with the National Police Chiefs’ Council, specifically the Family Support Steering Group and the Home Office, our aim is to help people:
- Stay well
- Feel valued
- Thrive at work and at home
We deliver national wellbeing solutions that help forces provide consistent, effective and value for money support. Through this website, we also offer direct access to help, information and guidance for everyone connected to policing.
Our ambition is that every member of the police service feels confident their wellbeing is taken seriously and that they are properly supported. When the people behind policing are supported, the whole service is stronger and better able to protect the public.
Why families matter
We recognise the vital role that families and friends play in wellbeing. They are often the first source of support and reassurance, and sometimes the first to notice when something isn’t right.
Policing is a challenging profession with a unique culture. The impact of the job is often felt most strongly at home. This guide is designed to act as a handrail - offering reassurance that you’re not alone, helping you navigate policing life, and giving you somewhere to turn when you need support yourself.
This resource is also useful for anyone who wants to understand mental health better and support the people around them.
For more information about what we do:
Support for loved ones of the policing family
Families today juggle many pressures - work, caring responsibilities, finances, and everyday life. Having a partner, family member or close friend in the police service adds another layer.
You may worry about:
- The pressure of the job
- Long or unpredictable working hours
- Exposure to traumatic incidents
- The impact on mental health and relationships
Watching someone you care about do a difficult job can feel hard, especially when you’re unsure how to help.
In this section we provide information on policing life, mental health and bereavement, supporting partners, children, parents, friends and family members of people who serve in the UK’s police service, including:
- Recognising signs of mental health difficulties
- How to access information, advice and support
- Looking after yourself or a loved one
- Supporting someone through grief and loss
- Talking to children about policing, mental health and bereavement
Living with someone in the police service
For many people, policing is more than just a job - it’s a vocation. It can be rewarding, purposeful and fulfilling. It can also be demanding, unpredictable and emotionally draining.
Common issues you may encounter
The ‘coping culture’
A culture of “just keep going” still exists in policing. Many people feel pressure to always appear strong or capable. This can make it harder to ask for help - and can mean difficult experiences are processed at home rather than work.
Secondary trauma and the anxiety of not knowing
Hearing about distressing jobs can take an emotional toll on family members. This is sometimes called secondary or vicarious trauma.
Not knowing what your loved one may be facing at work can also create ongoing anxiety, especially if you don’t feel supported yourself.
Shift work
Police shifts are often long and unsocial. This can affect sleep, physical and mental health, and family routines.
Over time, this can lead to:
- One partner taking on more household responsibility
- Reduced time for hobbies or social life
- Feelings of guilt, resentment or frustration
Where both partners work in policing, routines often need careful planning and intentional family time.
Other common challenges
- Missed birthdays or cancelled plans - frustrating, but often unavoidable
- Public criticism of policing - which can feel personal and isolating
- Safety and privacy concerns, both in person and online
Limiting exposure to negative media, stepping away from comment sections, and managing social media privacy isn’t avoidance - it’s self protection.
Dealing with trauma and difficult jobs
Police personnel are regularly exposed to traumatic situations, including:
- Serious road traffic incidents
- Sudden deaths
- High risk emergencies
- Child abuse investigations
- Violent or distressing situations
It’s common for people to need time to decompress after work. This might involve emotional withdrawal or quiet time - a way of transitioning back into home life.
If this feels like more than decompression, try to have open, non judgemental conversations. You’re a team, and both of you matter.
How the brain processes traumatic memories
Trauma affects how the brain stores memories.
- The hippocampus helps place memories in time
- The amygdala stores emotional and sensory detail
During trauma, stress can disrupt this process. Memories may be stored without a clear “time stamp”, making them feel like they’re happening again. This can cause heightened alertness, strong reactions to triggers, or feeling constantly on edge.
For more information, see the PTSD fact file.
Support provided by police forces
After difficult incidents, forces may offer:
- Immediate manager check-ins
- Trauma risk assessments
- Emotional support debriefs
- Peer support programmes
Support varies between forces, but all aim to help police personnel manage the impact of difficult work.
How you can help your loved one
Talk openly
Calm, honest conversations create space for support. Don’t wait - early conversations can prevent problems becoming bigger.
Suggest workplace support
Encourage contact with:
- Line managers
- Occupational health services
These services exist to support physical and mental wellbeing.
Encourage third party support
Some people prefer support outside their force. Independent police charities and national organisations offer confidential help, including:
- Counselling and talking therapies
- Trauma and PTSD support
- Bereavement support
- Financial guidance and grants
Nothing shared with these services is passed back to a police force.
You can find more information at Police Charites UK
Remember, looking after yourself isn't selfish. It's an essential part of staying healthy and being able to support the people around you.
Why self-care matters
When life becomes stressful, it's often the things that support our wellbeing that get pushed aside first.
Looking after yourself can help you:
- Feel more energised
- Improve your mood
- Manage stress more effectively
- Build resilience
- Improve sleep
- Support your physical health
- Feel more connected to others
Small changes can often make a big difference.
Six ways to look after yourself
Get your day off to a good start
Rushing around first thing in the morning can leave you feeling stressed before the day has even begun.
If possible, give yourself a little extra time in the morning to wake up properly, have something to eat and prepare for the day ahead.
Simple steps such as preparing clothes, lunches or bags the night before can help reduce stress and make mornings feel more manageable.
Practice mindfulness
Mindfulness involves paying attention to the present moment, including your thoughts, feelings and surroundings.
Many people find mindfulness helps them feel calmer, reduce stress and improve their overall wellbeing.
Mindfulness doesn't have to involve long meditation sessions. It can be as simple as taking a few moments to focus on your breathing, noticing what's around you or fully concentrating on a task you're doing.
Learn to say no
Sometimes the best thing you can do for your wellbeing is recognise when you've reached your limit.
It's okay to turn down invitations or requests if you don't have the time or energy.
Learning to say no can help prevent stress and avoid becoming overwhelmed.
Remember, you don't need to justify your decision. Protecting your wellbeing is important.
Focus on the positives
When we've had a difficult day, it's easy to focus on everything that went wrong.
Try taking a few moments to think about the things that went well, no matter how small they seem.
You might find it helpful to:
- Reflect on positive moments from the day
- Keep a gratitude journal
- Write down three things you're thankful for before bed
Over time, this can help build a more balanced perspective.
Acknowledge your feelings
Everyone experiences difficult emotions from time to time.
Feeling sad, worried, stressed, angry or overwhelmed doesn't mean you're failing or coping badly. These feelings are part of being human.
Allow yourself time to recognise how you're feeling and, if needed, talk to someone you trust or seek support.
It's okay not to be okay.
Make time for yourself
Spending time doing things you enjoy can have a positive impact on your wellbeing.
Try to regularly make space for activities that help you relax and recharge, such as:
- Going for a walk
- Reading a book
- Meeting friends
- Listening to music
- Taking up a hobby
- Spending time outdoors
Even small amounts of time can make a difference.
Don't forget the basics
Good wellbeing starts with looking after your physical health too.
Try to:
- Eat regular, balanced meals
- Drink plenty of water
- Be physically active
- Get enough sleep
- Take breaks when you need them
Looking after your physical health can have a positive impact on both your mental and emotional wellbeing.
When to seek support
Everyone needs extra support sometimes.
If stress, worry or low mood are starting to affect your daily life, relationships or work, don't wait until things become overwhelming.
Speaking to a friend, family member, GP or support service can help you access the support you need.
Seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
Further information and support
- NHS Every Mind Matters
- Mental Health Foundation
- NHS Sleep Information
- Citizens Advice
- Carers UK
Looking after yourself doesn't require major changes. Small, positive steps taken consistently can make a significant difference to your wellbeing and help you stay healthy, resilient and able to support those around you.
Find help
On our 'find help' page you'll find details of external helpline and support services